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How to discuss divorce with your spouse

Bringing up the topic of divorce is never easy, particularly if one spouse is not aware that the marriage is failing. Whether the spouse is too busy focusing on his or her profession to work on the marriage or simply in denial of the marital problems that are causing a rift in the relationship, it can help to follow these tips.

If considering a divorce, it is wise to become familiar with divorce law in your state. New York recently became a no-fault divorce state, allowing couples to divorce successfully without needing to allege and prove the grounds for the divorce. A meeting with an attorney can help you learn how the law will apply to your situation.

It is also wise to prepare for the divorce. Take some time to become familiar with your current financial situation. Are savings accounts kept in one or multiple banks? What are the balances? What is the status of your stock portfolio and retirement accounts? Prepare copies of the documentation for these accounts so you can watch for any changes.

Once you have these copies made and you feel informed about how the divorce process works, bring up your desire for a separation with your spouse.

Legal professionals recommend bringing the topic up kindly, but firmly. It may be wise to recommend counseling or seeing a lawyer. If your spouse does not want to accept that the marriage is over, bringing in a third party may help the spouse realize the marriage is failing. 

It may also help to discuss how daily life will look after the divorce. How will time with children be split? How will assets be divided? Taking the time to develop a plan can help make the divorce a reality and ease the divorce process. 


Source: Huffington Post, "How to bring up divorce when your spouse doesn't want one," Alison Heller, June 11, 2013